Alzheimer's: Mom Didn't Laugh for Two Years and it was Killing Me

My mother, Dorothy, did not laugh for over two years. It was "killing" me....

By Bob DeMarco

Max wrote about the last great big laugh he heard from his Great Grams. It was obviously vivid in his mind. See The Plaid Pajamas and the Last Big Laugh.

This reminded me of one of the saddest periods in my life. My mother didn't laugh for over two years. She rarely smiled during this period. Severe heartache, it hurt.

I would look over and there would be mom. The glassy eyed look, the stare into what must be either confusion or "nowhere". The look of Alzheimer's and dementia.

Then the day came. I picked up the bible, the Alzheimer's Action Plan, and I started reading through some of the pages I had dog eared. Page 82, The Less Than Trusty Thyroid. I read,

"Get your thyroid tested. Nearly one in five people over the age of sixty has some degree of hypothyroidism, meaning a sluggish thyroid. The sympotms include forgetfulness, weight gain, depression, dry skin, intolerance to cold, muscle aches, and fatigue. People who are hypothyroid feel as though they have mild Alzheimer's and depression all mixed into one bad day."

My mother had five of the seven symptoms listed above.

I took out my doctor's notebook. The notebook I use to keep track of everything that goes on with my mother from day to day. The headaches, her temperature, complaints, attitude -- I call this part the diary. I made a note in the doctor's section to bring up hypothyroidism to our personal care physician. I did just that at the end of our next doctor's appointment.

Dr. Chiriboga was wonderful. He didn't give me the doctor look and talk, "what you read a book and now you are a doctor." He didn't act like I was questioning his capability. He listened and said, "lets check her thyroid". Blood test.

Seven days later we were back in the doctor's office and he said -- "the results look suspicious." She didn't actually test positive for hypothyroidism, but the result was just barely above the level defined as hypothyroidism. He then proceeded to tell me how we were going to take a cautious approach. He gave me all the caveats, prescribed the mildest dosage of thyroid medication, and told me we would test her blood in a month to make sure we didn't give her hyperthyroidism with the medication.

A couple of days later my mother laughed. I jumped up when I heard the laugh. I ran over to find out what was going on. Seinfeld, Kramer. Kramer made my mother laugh. I was so elated I felt like I could fly. Soar.

From that point on things just got better and better. My mother not only started laughing, she started smiling. She actually thanked me when I cooked for her. When I asked how food tasted she actually gave me a review rather than the standard --OK.

This development lead to my decision to find a way to get her out into the light, to get her into restaurants, to get her socialized. The more we did the better her life. The better my life.

Believe it or not, it was not unusual for us to go out at 6 PM and come home after 11 PM. My mother was the one that wanted to stay out. She had more energy and more LIFE.

Ok, advice and lecture time.

Get the thyroid checked. By the way, if your loved one has too much energy it could be hyperthyroidism. If they are dull, depressed and lacking in any kind of emotion, it could be hypothyroidism.

Now you might not get a miracle like we did, but it is worth the effort. Feel free to take this article with you to the doctor. If he refuses to give you this simple, cheap blood test -- go get yourself a competent doctor. Please note: not all personal care physicians routinely include the hypothyroidism panel then they send an elderly person for a blood test. Additionally, they might not check the numbers if a red flag doesn't come up with the test results. Like I mentioned, our doctor described the test result as -- "suspicious".

Now when I look at my mother and she has that glassy eyed stare into what must be either confusion or "nowhere" -- it makes my heart feel warm. Why? Because I learned by taking action -- "More there."

Instead of heartache, I get that warm, fuzzy feeling.

Subscribe to the Alzheimer's Reading Room
Enter Your Email Address

Bob DeMarco is the editor of the Alzheimer's Reading Room and an Alzheimer's caregiver. Bob has written more than 1,200 articles with more than 9,000 links on the Internet. Bob resides in Delray Beach, FL.

Popular articles on the Alzheimer's Reading Room

• Advice and Insight -- Alzheimer's Reading Room
• Dealing with Difficult Behavior Caused by Dementia and Alzheimer's
• Communicating in Alzheimer's World
• Dr Oz Alzheimer's Memory Quiz (Test)
• What is Alzheimer's Disease?
• Does the Combination of Aricept and Namenda Help Slow the Rate of Decline in Alzheimer's Patients
• Test Your Memory (TYM) for Alzheimer's or Dementia in Five Minutes
• Alzheimer's World -- Two Circles Trying to Intersect
• Baby Boomer Alzheimer's Perspective
• Alzheimer's Disease -- The Front Row
• Is it Really Alzheimer's or Something Else?
• Alzheimer's Clock Draw Test -- Detect the Signs of Alzheimer's Early
• 60 Good Reasons to Subscribe to the Alzheimer's Reading Room

Making Rounds with Oscar: The Extraordinary Gift of an Ordinary Cat

Original content Bob DeMarco, the Alzheimer's Reading Room

More after the Jump....

Reader Comments Put Me In Focus and the Guru Energizes Me

Two heads are better than one. Soon we will have 2,000 heads. I call this the "collective brain" of the Alzheimer's Reading Room....

By Bob DeMarco

On Saturday I wrote A Virtual Alzheimer's Support Group. The article was about my goal to promote more interaction in the comments box below the articles.

I received several excellent comments from readers on how this might be accomplished. I replied to each of those comments under the original article.

One of the best comments was about the location of the comments box. I moved the comments box up so that it is easier to find. We will see what happens.

I did receive a lot of encouragement about my idea of trying to create a virtual support group. In addition to the comments, I received 11 private emails. I believe this is wanted. I might take this concept on to Blog Talk Radio.

I'll try something soon and see how it goes. I am considering starting a weekly feature where readers ask the questions, and then we "bat them around in the comments section." We could then turn the feedback into an article that would be easier to read and review. I am open to suggestions and advice.

I'll try to figure out how to get more readers to suggest topics.

Back to the feedback, this came in the form of a private email. We have an "Internet guru" that comes to this website for an obvious reason -- touched by Alzheimer's.

Here is what I learned. First, in fact this website has a very high level of reader interaction. While the raw number of comments appears low, in fact it is high based on the number of visitors and page views. I guess you could say, I was comparing the number of comments to websites that are much larger than the Alzheimer's Reading Room and that have been in business longer.

The guru went on to point out that I should be comparing an apple to an apple.

A different reader mentioned a larger website that seems to have more interaction. In fact, that website received $5 million in venture capital funding, and has 12 times as much content. Their ratio of comments to readers/page views is less than one fourth of what we have here on the Alzheimer's Reading Room. They are bigger and well funded, they are not more interactive based on this metric.

So while 12 comments is more than 8 comments, when compared to the number of visitors/page views as a ratio -- 8 is more.

The guru also mentioned that the Alzheimer's Reading Room is 475% bigger than the average of comparable websites in our Google benchmark. Google establishes the benchmark, not me. I did know this by the way. Thanks to all of you for reading.

We are much higher in every category with one exception -- pages visits per unique reader. The guru informed me that all I needed to do was publish twice as many articles a day, and this would reverse itself. In other words, if we had more to read each day it is likely that a fraction of the readers would read more pages and the number would go up.

The bottom line. I was a little disappointed when I wrote about the number of comments. But, now that I understand the facts and dynamic, I am extremely happy and re-energized.

Having said all of the above, I want to make one thing clear -- this is about the readers. Without you this place would not exist. Pretty simple when you think about it.

The result of this endeavor taught me this:

• We do need to try and incorporate a group support feature into the Alzheimer's Reading Room.
• I need to find a better way to make the existing articles available to new readers that come into the Alzheimer's Reading Room. A table of contents won't work. There are almost 1200 articles. We have a search box which is designed to help readers find information.
• What I need to do is break the articles down into categories, and then get them over on to the sidebar as topics. For example, if we had a topic named "Incontinence" and a reader wanted information on incontinence they could click on the link and get everything we have. One click to all the information on a given topic (this comes directly from a reader suggestion).
• I need to improve the way the website can be navigated.
• I need to unleash the "collective brain" of the Alzheimer's Reading Room as I have promised to do many times.
• I'll accomplish this by bringing on more writer/contributors, I'll have them share their experiences and advice with us. Let me make this clear, these newbies are people that are already contributing to the success of the Alzheimer's Reading Room. It is not my intention to recruit anyone that is outside the "collective brain". I will leverage our "collective brain" now.

I learn daily from existing readers that have vast amounts of life experience outside my own frame of reference. Its time for me to try and unleash that experience and bring it on to the Alzheimer's Reading Room. I email existing readers all the time for advice. I use this advice to answers email requests that are beyond my own "frame of reference". I now understand that I should have been publishing their emails as free standing articles. The advice is often exceptional.

This does mean more content and change on the Alzheimer's Reading Room. I understand some readers won't like this. I also understand that I can't expect every single article to be a home run, or useful to every single reader. When I read a magazine I only read the articles that are of interest to me. I want the information I read, and I try to put it to good use.

I believe that from time to time we will get that "home run" article that really is helpful to readers -- both stay at home caregivers and experts in the "field". More brains means more useful information, means more "home runs."

To be honest, I never know how readers are going to react to a given article. Sometimes, I write an article that I think is fantastic and important -- result, nothing happens. Other times, I write something that I am not really happy with and the comments box explodes. Go figure.

The above means I still have a lot to learn, and learn I will.

So, I hope you'll stay as we makes some changes. I'll do the best I can to make good decisions. I'll continue to ask the readers for help and advice.

Two heads are better than one. Soon we will have 2,000 heads. And that my friends equals the "collective brain" of the Alzheimer's Reading Room.

Subscribe to the Alzheimer's Reading Room
Enter Your Email Address

Bob DeMarco is the editor of the Alzheimer's Reading Room and an Alzheimer's caregiver. Bob has written more than 1,200 articles with more than 9,000 links on the Internet. Bob resides in Delray Beach, FL.

Popular articles on the Alzheimer's Reading Room

• Advice and Insight -- Alzheimer's Reading Room
• Dealing with Difficult Behavior Caused by Dementia and Alzheimer's
• Communicating in Alzheimer's World
• Dr Oz Alzheimer's Memory Quiz (Test)
• What is Alzheimer's Disease?
• Does the Combination of Aricept and Namenda Help Slow the Rate of Decline in Alzheimer's Patients
• Test Your Memory (TYM) for Alzheimer's or Dementia in Five Minutes
• Alzheimer's World -- Two Circles Trying to Intersect
• Baby Boomer Alzheimer's Perspective
• Alzheimer's Disease -- The Front Row
• Is it Really Alzheimer's or Something Else?
• Alzheimer's Clock Draw Test -- Detect the Signs of Alzheimer's Early
• 60 Good Reasons to Subscribe to the Alzheimer's Reading Room

Making Rounds with Oscar: The Extraordinary Gift of an Ordinary Cat

Original content Bob DeMarco, the Alzheimer's Reading Room

More after the Jump....

The Plaid Pajamas and the Last Big Laugh

It was the last time I heard that laugh. Maybe it was the colorful plaids. Maybe it was how ridiculous Grandpa looked. Maybe it was because we all thought it was funny and she shared our emotions.....

By Max Wallack

In an article in the Vancouver Sun, Douglas Todd contemplates on how his mother picks up on and reflects his emotional state. He decides that the best thing he can do for his mom is to stay in a good mood.

Douglas Todd says,

“Since my mother’s own Self is so fragmented, she adopts the emotions of whomever is with her, especially if it is someone with whom she may possibly, unconsciously, remember is her son.”

Reading this made me remember the last time that I heard Great Grams laugh. I mean REALLY laugh.

Great Grams had always had a very jolly laugh. When she thought something was funny, and she started laughing, she almost couldn’t stop. Tears would come to her eyes, roll down her cheeks, and she would still be laughing. Sometimes, she would stop for a minute and then burst out laughing again.

Once dementia took hold of Great Grams, we didn’t hear that laugh very much anymore.

Then, one day there was a sale on pajamas at a nearby store. Grandma found some in Grandpa’s size for only $5, and they were the nice soft cotton flannel that he liked. She bought them.

Let me describe the pajamas a little further, and you will understand why they were $5. They were plaid – all different clashing plaids. The collar was one plaid, the left and right arms each a different plaid. The cuffs were of a different plaid. The bottoms were different plaid on each leg and the fronts of the legs were different plaid from the back. Even the pockets were different plaid patches. It was as if someone had used all the left over patches of plaid material to make these pajamas.

Try to imagine what the pajamas looked like.

That night, Grandpa put on his new wild and crazy pajamas and came downstairs. We all looked at him and started laughing. Great Grams was laughing the hardest. She was laughing her laugh of years before. She was laughing the laugh of who she really was.

It was the last time I heard that laugh. Maybe it was the colorful plaids. Maybe it was how ridiculous Grandpa looked. Maybe it was because we all thought it was funny and she shared our emotions.

I don’t know what it was, but it was a good day. I remember that is was a good time.

To read more of Douglas Todd’s article go here.

Subscribe to the Alzheimer's Reading Room
Enter Your Email Address

Max Wallack is a student at Boston University Academy. His great grandmother, Gertrude Finkelstein, suffered from Alzheimer's disease. Max is the founder of PUZZLES TO REMEMBER , a 501(c.)3 charitable organization. PUZZLES TO REMEMBER is a project that provides puzzles to nursing homes and other institutions that care for Alzheimer's and dementia patients.

Making Rounds with Oscar: The Extraordinary Gift of an Ordinary Cat

Popular articles on the Alzheimer's Reading Room

• Advice and Insight -- Alzheimer's Reading Room
• Dealing with Difficult Behavior Caused by Dementia and Alzheimer's
• Communicating in Alzheimer's World
• Dr Oz Alzheimer's Memory Quiz (Test)
• What is Alzheimer's Disease?
• Does the Combination of Aricept and Namenda Help Slow the Rate of Decline in Alzheimer's Patients
• Test Your Memory (TYM) for Alzheimer's or Dementia in Five Minutes
• Alzheimer's World -- Two Circles Trying to Intersect
• Baby Boomer Alzheimer's Perspective
• Alzheimer's Disease -- The Front Row
• Is it Really Alzheimer's or Something Else?
• Alzheimer's Clock Draw Test -- Detect the Signs of Alzheimer's Early
• 60 Good Reasons to Subscribe to the Alzheimer's Reading Room

Original content Max Wallack, the Alzheimer's Reading Room

More after the Jump....

Artistic Endeavors Work Again for Patients Suffering from Dementia

Dementia sufferers in Trowbridge are benefiting from a series of creative workshops using different techniques with wool.....

By Max Wallack

Alzheimer's and dementia patients take a four week course called the "Wonders of Wool" project. This group does various projects with the wool which all culminate in making a large wall hanging with many colors and textures. Meanwhile, the staff learns new skills which they then use with other patients.

In the words of Jenny Magne, the manager,

"Working with the textures and bright colours is therapeutic as well as enjoyable."

There seems to be a consistent and growing realization that art may be the best path to reach the Alzheimer's patient.

Stephany Bardzil, of Alzheimer’s Support, said:

“Working with different textiles and colours is something that can stimulate. Although people with dementia lose their short-term memory they can still remember feelings and emotions they have had.”

To read more go here.

Max Wallack is a student at Boston University Academy. His great grandmother, Gertrude Finkelstein, suffered from Alzheimer's disease. Max is the founder of PUZZLES TO REMEMBER , a 501(c.)3 charitable organization. PUZZLES TO REMEMBER is a project that provides puzzles to nursing homes and other institutions that care for Alzheimer's and dementia patients.

Subscribe to the Alzheimer's Reading Room
Enter Your Email Address

Bob DeMarco is the editor of the Alzheimer's Reading Room and an Alzheimer's caregiver. Bob has written more than 1,200 articles with more than 9,000 links on the Internet. Bob resides in Delray Beach, FL.

Popular articles on the Alzheimer's Reading Room

• Advice and Insight -- Alzheimer's Reading Room
• Dealing with Difficult Behavior Caused by Dementia and Alzheimer's
• Communicating in Alzheimer's World
• Dr Oz Alzheimer's Memory Quiz (Test)
• What is Alzheimer's Disease?
• Does the Combination of Aricept and Namenda Help Slow the Rate of Decline in Alzheimer's Patients
• Test Your Memory (TYM) for Alzheimer's or Dementia in Five Minutes
• Alzheimer's World -- Two Circles Trying to Intersect
• Baby Boomer Alzheimer's Perspective
• Alzheimer's Disease -- The Front Row
• Is it Really Alzheimer's or Something Else?
• Alzheimer's Clock Draw Test -- Detect the Signs of Alzheimer's Early
• 60 Good Reasons to Subscribe to the Alzheimer's Reading Room

Original content Max Wallack, the Alzheimer's Reading Room

More after the Jump....

A Virtual Alzheimer's Support Group

....comments bring on another dimension--maybe validation -- Kerry Runyeon....

By Bob DeMarco

This year, one of my goals is to promote more interaction in the comments box below the articles. As the year goes on, I am hoping to see more back and forth between readers.

In order to accomplish this mission, I am going to need some advice from readers. Advice on how to best accomplish this mission.

I know that many of you attend support groups, and that many of you are, or have been support group moderators. Perhaps you have some ideas on how to promote interaction on this blog. If so, please use the comments box below this article and share your ideas. You are also welcome to email me directly.

It might be possible over time to broaden the scope of the Alzheimer's Reading Room by turning the blog into a "kind of" virtual support group. More like a "short burst" support that caregivers can use to help them get through a trying day, a trying period, or to get as Kerry Runyeon said -- some validation.

I am not trying to say that the Alzheimer's Reading Room is going to take the place of a full blown hour long support group session. What I envision is helping caregivers that are not currently attending a support group, or caregivers that are between meetings. I know from experience that almost everyday you need a little hope. Often this hope comes from someone that understands.

I know this is possible because the Alzheimer's Reading Room is my support group. I mean that I receive constant support and positive reinforcement from the readers of this blog.

I have an advantage over the typical reader because I receive lots of email. These emails remind me that I am not alone. Often they make me think. Often they make me feel. Often they encourage me. They encourage me not to give up. They make me want to find the solution to a problem. Not to let the problem drive me over the edge.

I receive emails from readers encouraging me, and sometimes praising me. I learned a long time ago, I little pat on the back goes a long way when you are having a difficult day. I believe this kind of encouragement kept me from throwing in the towel. That is my belief.

Collectively on this blog, we have lots of experienced, loving, caregivers. Each of these caregivers has a lot to offer. Most importantly, they have an empathy that can only be gained by living in the front row. An understanding.

We have lots of people on this blog that work with the elderly. Over the course of their experience they have seen problems that are common to us -- the readers, the caregivers. They have a lot to offer. Their experience provides a short cut to effective, loving, caregiving. It is lot easier to learn from the experience of another, then to learn by trial and error in the front row.

I need to find a way to unleash all of the above, and sooner or later I will.

Your comments and advice are welcome here. If you have an idea for a new feature, or if, you are willing to write from the perspective of a support moderator, or expert in the field, let me know.

Its time to broaden the purview of the Alzheimer's Reading Room. We have a much broader and more diverse readership then we had one year ago. The needs of this readership are broader. We have an opportunity to accomplish a great deal more than we have in the past.

In a real sense we are a virtual support group. All we need to do is find a way to organize. To do what we have been doing more effectively.

Imagine all the experiences we have -- Collectively. We have the vehicle to accomplish a great deal of good. What we need to do is figure out how to make it work effectively.

Its all part of the metamorphosis.

Subscribe to the Alzheimer's Reading Room
Enter Your Email Address

Bob DeMarco is the editor of the Alzheimer's Reading Room and an Alzheimer's caregiver. Bob has written more than 1,200 articles with more than 9,000 links on the Internet. Bob resides in Delray Beach, FL.

Popular articles on the Alzheimer's Reading Room

• Advice and Insight -- Alzheimer's Reading Room
• Dealing with Difficult Behavior Caused by Dementia and Alzheimer's
• Communicating in Alzheimer's World
• Dr Oz Alzheimer's Memory Quiz (Test)
• What is Alzheimer's Disease?
• Does the Combination of Aricept and Namenda Help Slow the Rate of Decline in Alzheimer's Patients
• Test Your Memory (TYM) for Alzheimer's or Dementia in Five Minutes
• Alzheimer's World -- Two Circles Trying to Intersect
• Baby Boomer Alzheimer's Perspective
• Alzheimer's Disease -- The Front Row
• Is it Really Alzheimer's or Something Else?
• Alzheimer's Clock Draw Test -- Detect the Signs of Alzheimer's Early
• 60 Good Reasons to Subscribe to the Alzheimer's Reading Room

Making Rounds with Oscar: The Extraordinary Gift of an Ordinary Cat

Original content Bob DeMarco, the Alzheimer's Reading Room

More after the Jump....