Sunday, July 3, 2011

I Wonder What it Feels Like to be Unable to Remember?


The more I thought about it the more nervous I became. I could actually feel myself becoming "unglued". Unsettled. Nervous. Anxious.

By Bob DeMarco
Alzheimer's Reading Room

I am sitting here reviewing some of the notes in my da Vinci pad.

I actually asked myself many years ago, I Wonder What it Feels Like to be Unable to Remember? I wrote that in the center of my pad with a circle around it.

So I sat there in the early AM, in my dimly lit space, and thought about it.

You might be surprised by this. I sat there eyes closed and tried to feel what it would be like if, I was unable to remember.


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The more I thought about it the more nervous I became. I could actually feel myself becoming "unglued". Unsettled. Nervous. Anxious.

My heart rate became elevated. I was actually breathing hard enough that I could feel my chest moving.

Finally, I decided to calm myself down. I stopped thinking what it would be like if I couldn't remember. I started taking some deep breaths until I felt calm.

Then it dawned on me. Is this how a person suffering from dementia feels when they try to remember? Is this how my mother feels? Is this one of the reasons why my mother becomes easily agitated and sometimes says mean and nasty things to me.

Let me ask you a simple question. When you are talking to someone and they say something that triggers off a memory, don't you bring up your own story or memory? Tell them about your experience.

My guess is, that this happens to persons suffering from dementia. They try to remember. Why not? They have been remembering their entire life, just like you and me.

But, what if they can't get out what they are thinking? What is going on in their brain? Do they start feeling disoriented, scared, frustrated, anxious, unsettled, nervous?

So I started to wonder, what does it feel like when you can't remember? What does Dotty feel like?

I think most of us conclude, when you can't remember, you can't remember. But how much time have we actually spent thinking about, what does it FEEL like when you can't remember?

During the course of this day you are going to have thousands of thoughts.

Maybe you'll think, what are we going to have for dinner tonight? You'll think about it. You'll decide. You'll remember when the time comes to take out the steak and baked potatoes.

But what if when the time came you didn't have a clue. You couldn't remember. You tried and tried and tried and couldn't remember.

How would you feel?

Maybe you should sit down and give this a try, try and feel like it feels when you can't remember.

I know you are busy so maybe you won't try.

Will trying to understand how it feels when you can't remember make a difference in your life as an Alzheimer's caregiver?

One word, empathy.



More Insight and Advice for Caregivers


Bob DeMarco is the Founder of the Alzheimer's Reading Room and an Alzheimer's caregiver. The blog contains more than 2,800 articles with more than 602,100 links on the Internet. Bob lives in Delray Beach, FL.



The Alzheimer’s Action Plan: The Experts’ Guide to the Best Diag­no­sis and Treat­ment for Mem­ory Prob­lems 		 
The 36-Hour Day A Family Guide to Caring for People with Alzheimer Disease


Original content Bob DeMarco, the Alzheimer's Reading Room
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