Learn to let go and learn to love again.
By Marie Marley
Today I am writing about acceptance of the fact that the person has Alzheimer’s.
These are two different things. It’s one thing to finally realize someone close to you has Alzheimer’s. It’s a completely different thing to accept that fact.
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After what can be months or even years of being in denial, most people finally realize Alzheimer’s has struck. And they begin becoming a caregiver, including getting medical treatment for the person.
But many people never really come to accept the situation. Some caregivers never come to terms with it. Some never become at peace with the diagnosis and all that it means. Some caregivers are never “Okay with it.” They know it in their brains, but as hard as they try they can’t accept it in their hearts.
We can get caught up in a trap. The bold truth is so painful we can push it to the back of our minds.
In order to come to terms with Alzheimer’s in a loved one we must first let go. We must let go of the previous person and embrace the new person – just as they are. And since that person will continue changing as time goes by, we must constantly let go of the old and accept the new.
We must fall in love again with the person as he or she is in the present and let go of the person we used to love. That person is never coming back in the same way they used to be.
This is what it means to accept and make peace with Alzheimer’s in a person you dearly love. Learn to let go and learn to love again.
Marie Marley, PhD, was a seven-year caregiver for Dr. Edward Theodoru, her delightfully colorful and wickedly eccentric Romanian soul mate, who developed Alzheimer’s disease. After he passed away in 2007 she wrote an award-winning book about her experiences as a caregiver, Come Back Early Today: A Story of Love, Alzheimer’s and Joy. In the course of narrating their love story, Marie illustrates the solutions she found to 14 different difficult and painful issues that
typically arise when caring for someone with dementia - everything from denial, diagnosis and difficult behaviors to nursing home and hospice care. You can visit Marie's website at www.ComeBackEarlyToday.com. Marie is a medical grant writer at the American Academy of Family Physicians in Leawood, Kansas.
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