Jun 1, 2011

Dad, Mom, and The Last Supper

I was watching a movie the other night and this frequently asked question came up, if you could have dinner with one person who would it be?...
By Bob DeMarco
Alzheimer's Reading Room

My guess is that many people would answer, God or Jesus. Next in line? Probably Albert Einstein.

This is one of those question where I have given the question considerable thought.

My answer right this minute? My father, Dad.

My father, Frank, died from terminal cancer. He went slowly over an 11 month period after the dreaded diagnosis. No hope. No treatment. No cure.

They told us 3, 4 months. It turned out it was 11 months.

You might be thinking, maybe Bobby has something he would like to say to his father. Something he didn't say when he had the chance. That is not the case.

I talked to my father about everything under the sun during the last months. There was one recurring conversation. I told Dad, don't worry, I'll take care of Mom. I really didn't have to promise for me, it was for him. I knew what I would do 30 years ago for Dad and Mom. I decided well in advance. I already made up my mind about what I would do.

So Dad here I am.

Right now if I could have one person over for dinner it would be Dad. I would like to learn how he is doing. What is it like? I'm curious. I'm sure I'll have something to say, but there is nothing hanging over my head. We could talk about the old days. The memories and the good times.

Someday, mom is going to die. I might get asked the same question. I'm not sure yet how I would answer. Probably Mom. Not because I favor Mom over Dad, because I assume I get a Mom without Alzheimer's at that one dinner.

Like Dad, there is nothing of major import that I need to say to Mom. I already did it. However, I would like to have a conversation with the old Mom. Dotty before Alzheimer's set in.

I already think often. I wish I could talk to Dotty the way I did in the old days. Actually, what I would like to hear is what my Mom thinks about this and that. What my Mom thinks about what is going on right now. I would like to hear what Mom "thinks". I miss that.

Who knows, maybe I get a Last Supper. Maybe I get to invite both Dad and Mom. That is a pleasant thought.

I am wondering how Alzheimer's caregivers would answer this question. If you could have one last dinner with someone, who would it be? Why?

Thinking about this over the last few days has been very pleasant. Sounds odd right? Well, I can still think and feel, so I'll have the last supper in my head for now.

All is well.

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Bob DeMarco is the Founder of the Alzheimer's Reading Room and an Alzheimer's caregiver. The blog contains more than 2,680 articles with more than 512,100 links on the Internet. Bob lives in Delray Beach, FL.

Original content Bob DeMarco, the Alzheimer's Reading Room