Aug 14, 2013

Two Men With Alzheimer’s Connect on a Deep Level

The whole incident made me feel warm inside; and, I knew then that I’d done the right thing.

By +Marie Marley 
+Alzheimer's Reading Room

Two Men With Alzheimer’s Connect on a Deep Level

I remember reading somewhere that people with Alzheimer’s enjoy being with others like themselves. The following story clearly illustrates that.

I’d just moved Ed, my Romanian soul mate of 30 years, into the Alois Alzheimer Center, one of the best facilities anywhere for people with dementia.

Initially he’d been quite upset about the move, but as the days went by, much to my relief, he gradually forgot he’d even been moved at all.

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When I went to visit one day I found him in his room looking at the newspaper, which he was holding upside down.

When he saw me he exclaimed, “Oh, Marie, I’m so happy to see you. You are so beautiful.”

He folded the newspaper carefully and placed it just so in the top desk drawer. Then he walked over and sat down on the Early American sofa the Alois Center had provided until I could get his own furniture moved in the following week.

I sat down beside him, crossed my legs and propped my feet up on the coffee table. We discussed the horrible conditions in New Orleans, which he kept referring to as ‘New Jersey,’ after Katrina had hit just days before.

Come Back Early Today
A Memoir of Love, Alzheimer's and Joy

Suddenly a stocky little man appeared in the doorway. His black trousers were hanging a couple of inches below his waist and his plaid burgundy and grey flannel shirt was un-tucked on the right side.

I was surprised when Ed, a life-long loner, smiled and reached out with his right arm, then smiled and shouted, “Come in, come in.’”

Ed looked at me and said, “Marie, this is my dear friend, John. We’ve been best friends for years.”

John shuffled in, advancing in short jerky movements, his house-slippered feet barely lifting from the floor. Slightly balding, his remaining hair was jet black, his eyes dark brown, and he had a round jovial face that reminded me of my Irish Grampa Graves.

“Yes, we’ve been best friends forever,” John said, waving at us.

Ed patted the empty space next to him on the other side of the sofa and John sat down. Then – and you might imagine my shock – they started holding hands and taking turns telling me how many years they’d been best friends.

They reminded me of two little girls sitting on a bench, dangling their legs while waiting for the school bus. I was delighted – though dazed – that Ed had made a friend, and so quickly at that. Ed had never been one to make friends at all. And he’d only been at the Center a week.

They sat there talking – small talk actually – and they continued holding hands. It was something we rarely, if ever, see in today’s society. It made me feel a little uncomfortable, but it seemed perfectly natural for them.

“Hi, John,” I said, wanting to be gracious to Ed’s new friend. “How long have you lived here at the Alois Center?”

He snapped to attention. “All my life,” he answered proudly.

I shouldn’t have been surprised, but for some reason I hadn’t expected this man to be as confused as Ed.

After a while John said he had to leave. After exchanging more pleasantries with Ed, he let go of Ed’s hand and stood up. He bid good-bye to his dear friend, then exited in the same shuffling gait with which he’d entered.

The whole incident made me feel warm inside. And I knew then that I’d done the right thing by moving Ed into the Alois Center. It was obvious that he needed and enjoyed the company of other people.

I peered out the door and watched as John inched down the hall and disappeared into another room, which I assumed was his own.

I found myself hoping he’d come back on a regular basis to visit Ed, his dear, affectionate “childhood friend.”

Does anyone have stories of how people with Alzheimer’s can form deep bonds with each other?

Marie Marley is the author of the uplifting, award-winning book, Come Back Early Today: A Memoir of Love, Alzheimer’s and Joy. To learn more about Marie and to accesss her wealth of information for caregivers go to Come Back Early Today.

A slightly different version of this article appeared on the Huffington Post.

Original content Alzheimer's Reading Room.